ChidyboyMe: SMS | FUNNY MESSAGES...

Funny Sms Messages

"The most painful moment: "When 1 of you girlfriend calls you in morning& your grandmother picks up the phone & say: He is in toilet..."
"A boy refused to be the President of the USA because they could not change the capital of USA from Washington DC to Chennai.... "
"If your Lover sends u Romantic Messages den be very Happy, But think who is sending those Messages to your Lover? My job is over."
"A Student after checking his Result... What the Hell...? I have failed...? That too in English...? . . . . . . . "UNPOSSIBLE...!"
"A taxi passenger touched the driver on shoulder to ask something Driver screamed, lost control of the car, went up on the footpath & Stopped few centimeters from a shop
The driver said: "Don't ever do that again, you scared me"
passenger apologized and said: "I didn't realize a little touch would scare you so much"
Driver replied: "Sorry, it's not your fault, Its my 1st day as a Cab driver. I've been driving a van carrying dead bodies for last 25 yrs"
"If you happen to love a girl or boy, try from another state.. even if it fails, you will end up with one more language in your resume.
"Define LOVE and explain in details. (10 marks) Definition : A serious disorder of heart due to relationship between men & women that can cause death of 1 or both depending on the resistance associated. TYPES: 1 sided & 2 sided AGE: *Usually occurs in teen ages but nowadays can be found in any age.! SYMPTOMS: Tension Daydreaming Insomnia Phone Addiction DIAGNOSIS BY: Diary Photos Mobile TREATMENT: Anti-LOVE Shoe/Mother's slipper".

"He Broke Her Heart.. And She Broke His iphone 4G.. I think We All Know Who Cried Harder.."

"A scientific joke: What will you call 3rd edition of Nano car? . . . . . . . Sodium nitritecoz it will be NaNO3".

"Today's Joke- . . . . . . A girl said . . . . . . . Trust me!! ".

"Wife: Look At that drunkard. Husband: Who is he? Wife: 10yrs back he proposed me & I rejected him Husband: Oh my god, he is still celebrating."

Commerce professor asks the student: what is the most important source of finance for starting business? Student: "Father in law".

DUAL HEART ATTACK MESSAGE BY A GIRL to her lover.. 1st message- lets break up now, its all over.. 2nd msg.-sorry, sorry!! That was not 4 u....

How to kill a girl? Give her a beautiful dress, nice jewellery, costly cosmetics Then lock her in a room without a mirror Finish..

Marry a girl who cooks well..! Marry a girl who cares 4 u.! Marry a girl who love us. & one important thing Make sure that d 3 girls don't meet each other.......

Girl :- Its very difficult to love a "BANKER" ... FRIEND :- why?... Girl :- He rejected my love letter with reason of "Signature differs" n returned.

I was born intelligent. BUT EDUCATION SPOILED ME. EDUCATION MADE ME TO THINK UNWANTED THING s: A question in 11th physics book.. What is the work?

A guy sitting with his lover, drinking beer says," i lov you! " LOVER:-" is it you or the beer talking? Boy rplys," its me, talking to my beer, you shut up!!".

A LKG boy attended an Interview in Motor Company... Interviewer: How the motors run? Boy: (Thank God very easy question), simple sir, Durrrrrrrrrrrr.......

An innocent husband said: I watch my wedding video in reverse. I love d End, when she takes out ring, goes out, sits in car & goes back to her father home.

Once there was a fight between Me and a Tiger.. I Ran away.. Why? To Save the Tiger.. Only 1411 r left Otherwise you knows me..!.

A British Man Was eating 'pizza' In his Office, On the 13'th Floor.. A Man Came Running and Shouted, 'Peter' Your Daughter 'Roselin' Just Died In An Accident. He Didn't Know what To Do., He Jumped from His Office Window.. When He Was Near The 10th Floor He Remembered He Didn't Have a Daughter. When He Was Near d 5th Floor He Remembered He Was Not Married. When He Was About To Hit the Ground He Remembered that He Was Not 'Peter'.

A boy was teaching maths to a girl. He kissed her, again he kissed her & said this is addition. Then they kissed each other & said this is multiplication. Suddenly the girls dad came beat the boy, throw him away saying this is called division...!

2. A Boy Went 2 Doctor Wid Infection on His face. After Checking, Doctor Said: "Ask ur GF 2 change her lipstick Brand, u r Allergetic to lakme"..

Only 842 girls are left for every 1000 boys!!;-) Save girls! We can save the tigers later.

Face /your/on/smile/ little/a/get/to/ trick /my/only/was/ this/but/me/ with/angry/get/will/you/message/ this/reading/ After/ (Now Read in reverse)....

TO ALL STUDENTS: Smooth road never make good drivers.. Clear sky never makes good pilots.. & CLEARING all subjects in 1 attempt never makes Good STUDENT...!-

Dear facebook, just wait & watch, some day they will all leave you too. Yours lovingly, Orkut.

Sweet Heart Boy: U r sunshine of my life without U life is cloudy U r in my heart like rainy water 4 barren land Girl: Is it proposal or weather report?

Whats difference between Exam and Proposing your love? In Exam nothng in mind But we have to Xpress, But In Proposal lots of thngs are in Mind but we Cnt Xpres it.

Why? smart people always say they are Busy... ? Think? ? ? ? ? ? I will Tell You Later. Now I'm Busy...!

Facebook addiction:

Dad writes on sons wall: Son.. How are you? Your Mom and i am fine and we muss you a alot. We wish to see you, so please turn off your pc and come to downstairs to have lunch.

Couple silent in bed.

Wife thinks : Why is he not talking to me? Is he thinking of another woman? Does he like someone else? Is he seeing someone? Don't I appeal to him anymore? Are wrinkles showing on my face? Is he trying to dump me? Is he now finding me ugly? Have I put on weight at the wrong places? Does my make up repel him these days. Is he upset with my nagging?

WHY IS HE UPSET?

Husband thinks :Why the hell did Dhoni give the last over to Nehra?

Once an angle appears before a girl and grants her 3 wishes, under the condition that her boyfriend gets 10 times what she gets. The girl asks these wishes.

1. I must be rich; this made her boyfriend before 10 times rich.

2. I must become beautiful; this made her boy friend very smart.

3. I must get a mild heart attack.

Moral: girls are really smart. Story ends here for girls.

Guys read on. The boy friend gets a heart attack 10 times milder.

Moral: girls think they are smart, but they are stupid.

Lkg boy on his way to home with his mom, saw a couple kissing on the road? He suddenly shouted and said, look mom, they are fighting for chewing gum.

Mr. santa falls in a sea he seems a fish and throws it to land and says I am going to die, at least you save your life.

Height of coolness: Two friends finishing the paper, coming out of the exam hall, having a cool drinks and talking.

1st: dude which paper was it?

2nd: may be maths.

1st: that means you did the paper?

2nd: no man the girl next to me was using calculator.

Two terrorist were having a discussion in a bar.

A boy walks in and asks them, what is discussion is about?

Terrorist: we are planning to kill 14 crore people and a donkey.

Guy: why a donkey?

Then one terrorist tells the others. See I told you, nobody will care about the 14 crore people.

Man asked sculptor how you make idols from stone. He replied idols and images are already hidden there, I remove unwanted stone only.

When I was studying lkg, teacher asked me "I have four apples how I can divide it among five children?" I answered "kill one child".

I really appreciate your brain, which is divided into two parts. Right and left. 1. In right nothing is left. 2. in left

When I drink I feel ashamed, then I look at the beer bottle and think of the workers in the beer factory, their hopes, families and dreams. If people like me do not drink then they will be jobless. It's good to live for others, don't forget the pickle industry family so take the side dish also.

When will we all come true? Life smiled and replied, never because the day all of you come true, I will lose my meaning.

Can a woman make you a millionaire? Yea if you are a billionaire!!!!!!

I like your smile because.......... I like yellow.

Tow rules of boys: they never give lift to any unknown girl.2 they never think any girl as unknown!

Maths teacher: if 1000kgs=ton. Then for 3000kgs=how much student: ton, ton, ton.

For a boys like it's easier to pick up girl of weight 50kg, but for the same its quiet difficult to pick up a gas cylinder of weight 14.2kg.

If your lover sends you romantic message don't be very happy. But think who is sending those lovely messages to your lover? My job over.

In a bar one guy says to another" I love your mom and want to marry" the whole bar was waiting for the other guy's response. He laughs and says lets go home dad, you drunk more.

Boy: I like that girl. His friend: she has a boy friend. Boy: look. A goal post always has a goalkeeper, but that doesn't mean you can't score goals.

I wanted to kill the sweetest smartest and the most beautiful person on the earth, but then I thought SUICIDE is a crime.

For a boy like you it's easier to pick up girl of Wight 50kg, but for the same its quiet difficult to pick up a gas cylinder of weight 14.2kg strange???

A newly married husband saved his wife number on his mobile as my life, after one year of marriage, it was found changed to my wife, after two years of marriage home, after five years, Hitler and after ten years wrong number.

Technical beauty tips: if you want to remove your pimples, face mark and the signs of skin try adobe Photoshop.

Boy: my girlfriend broke up with me and sent me pictures of her with her new boyfriend for irritating me. Friend: really bad! What did u do? Boy I sent them to her dad.

The real problem doesn't start when a boy starts looking at a girl it begins when she smiles and looks back at the boy.

Boy: your name seems to be very small. So can I add my name with your name?

There are two kinds of roads in America. National and international. In india also two roads under construction and take diversion.

Presence of mind: After slapping wife, husband says a person only beats whom he actually loves, angry wife slaps him twice and says, do you think that my love is lesser?

One boy looks into girls purse in a classroom. She says its bad manner. He says its not. Girl: why? Because members of the same class can access private data.

Do not search for good people all over the world, because I am in my home.Do not search for good people all over the world, because I am in my home

Letters by a little kid who hates maths: dear maths, please grow up and so, love your own problem don't depends on others.

Silence is the best answer for all the questions. Smile is the best reaction in all situations, unfortunately both of them never helps in interview.

Behind very successful student there is one good teacher. But what about failed student ? A beautiful teacher.

Why smart people always say they are busy think, I will tell you later. Right now, I am busy.

Three harmful substances that irritates eye:

1. Atmosphere dust.

2. Question paper.

3. Our college girls over scene,

we cannot tolerate them.

When ship was sinking, Italian passenger asks Indian, how far is land? Indian: 2kms. Italian jumps into sea and asks which direction. Indian: downwards..

Dad: A sincere traffic police was suspended from his ob.

Son: why?

Dad: because he charged ambulance for over speed.

Millions of people write love letters. But everyone sends their 1st love letter to me always. Just imagine how beautiful I am. Said by dustbin.

Ultimate engineering: which is the most popular machine that engineering students frequently use? .. Think........ Xerox machine!!!

Poem of poor child: I saw many shirts in opposite home window, but I saw many window in my shirts.

My son always wants me to hit a six every time. May be he is watching sehwag too much.

Height of shock: A boy was sitting with girlfriend saw a guys photo in her bag and asked whether he is your X-boy friends? Girl kissed him and said, no that me before operation.

A+A =double A,

E+E =double E,

V+V=double V,

U+U=double U,

W+W=?????

Get up all you lazy people and do something for the nation. Oh sorry it was you?? Go back to sleep that will be better for the nation.

Intellectual question: if swimming is a good exercise to stay slim, why do whales look fat?

If you want success in life, be sweet as honey, be regular as clock, be fresh as rose, be soft as tissue, be strong as rock, be sure as death, and be smart as me.

Love story of arts student: a guy was deeply in love with his classmate. One day he told her that he loves her a lot, but she was angry and refused. One day she borrowed a text book from him and wrote that she is an orphan and not to leave her but the guy never talked to her. 4 years passed. She was sad. Actually the boy was still in love with her but that she hates him because, he never saw her writing. Moral: arts college guys never open their text books.

Room free lunch free breakfast free dinner free security free enjoy this life only in central jail contact dial 100 (toll free)

If Columbus had a girl friend he might have never discovered America because

GF: where are you going?

With whom?

How you going?

To discover what?

Why only you?

What should I do when you are gone?

Can I come with you?

When will you back?

Where will you stay?

You will miss me na?

Columbus:?????

Boy: from the day I am your lover, I am not able to eat, drink.

girl: how sweet, so you are madly in love with me.

boy shut up!! You made my pocket empty

Mom: who is tipu sultan?

Son: I don't know.

mom: concentrate on your studies you will know.

Son: who is pooja aunty?

Mom: I don't know.

son: concentrate on your husband you will know

The unbeatable message what is longer than wife's love? What is lovely than sister fight? Which pillow is better than a lover lap? What warmr than dad's hug? What sweeter ten a baby's kiss? What tastier than mom cooking what stronger than a friends shoulder? Nothing these all have no substitutes never miss it

Advantages of not having lover! can sleep well,2 can save time and money3 no worry about how you look 4no missed calls in mid night. No need to recharge twice a day.6 can talk two all boys and girls,.8 the most important can forward this to all

Mechanics wife delivered a baby, wife send sms to husband. "Your spare part came out". Husband smsed and asked" with gear or without gear"

"They gave me the questions which I don't. so I wrote answer which they don't know..

Fear is that deep wrenching feelings in your stomach when pages of your book still smell new and one hour left for your exams

Best years of my life were spent in the arms of a woman who wasn't my wife. Audience was in shock and silence. He added. She was my mother. Applause and laughter. A top manager tried this at home. After a drink, he said loudly to his wife, in kitchen: best year of my life were spent in the arms of a woman who wasn't my wife. Standing a moment trying to recall the 2nd half, he finally blurted out: I can't remember, I can't remember who was she? By the time he regained his senses, he was in hospital.

Height of addiction just before a prisoner's execution the officer asked him about his last request. He said I want to update my facebook status.

Once a smoker was smoking at airport. A gentleman arrives and asked him: how much do you smoke a day?

Smoker: why?

Gentleman: if you would have collected the money instead of smoking the plane which is in front of you, would been yours.

Smoker: is this plane yours?

Gentleman: no.

smoker: thanks for your advice, but that plane is mine.

Moral: don't advice unnecessary.

Santa: I kiss my wife every day before leaving the office. What about you? Banta: I too, after you leave.

"The most romantic state in our country? It's in Tamilnadu. You know why? Every night is a light dinner. Thanks to our TNEB.

"You must bring the change!!!! Great lines said by bus conductor..

Whenever you're in trouble go to your parents for a sound advice you will get. 99% sound and 1% advice.

Her diary: he seemed very quiet today I asked hem if it was my fault that he was upset, he said no I told him d love him but he smiled sadly I am sure he think of someone else he didn't call are texted me I cried all night long. His diary CSK lost the mach again.

Wife hints to husband for a new car-"dear, buy me something that goes 0 to 100 in a 3 seconds when I am on it.., "husband gifted..? a weighing machine..,

man1: why are you running so fast? Man 2: to deliver this letter urgently.man1: where? Man 2: no time to read the address. man 1: ok go fast.

___ is the first word comes from your heart when you think about me... Be frank don't joke. Send to your friends and get shocking replies.

Don't forget me, forger me never, when u forget me, then forget me forever.

Creativity joke: vegetables and fruits sale are in platform..! But. shoes and slippers sale are in a/c rooms What a funny world..

Why did raja take his pregnant wife jeeto to pizza hut? Because they advertised free delivery.

News: chimps escaped from the zoo 1 were caught watching TV another playing football and the 3rd one was caught reading this text message.

What is study?

s=sitting

t=talking

u=unlimited

d=dreaming

y=yawning.

So study well. oh god i have to study more.

A line from a love failure diary: she changed my every habit by teasing me all the time finally she left me saying that you are changed lot.

This is miracle that happened recently at pune. A boy named ashish and a girl named janavi loved sincerely. They used to chat on mobile four hours. In order to reduce the expenses, both got same network sim. The guy went abroad for a month due to his work. The girl died in an accident, the girl's last wish was to bury her along with her mobile. After a month the guy called the girls mom and said "aunty I will be coming tomorrow, I want this to be a surprise. So don't tell jaanu" the lady didn't know what to say. The next day the guy came and asked about jannu.. they told him about her death but he said "don't joke, I spoke with her yesterday" nobody believed. Suddenly the gugs mobile rang and displayed" jaanu calling "he activated the speaker. It was clearly jannu's voice then they realized that girl was using Vodafone sim "wherever u go the network follows "thanks for wasting your time for reading this message.

Silly but truth: if power's gone in America they call eb office.. in japan they test fuse. but in India they will see neighbor's home.

Girls don't like to study much, why? Because they know that in some corner of the world atlast one fool is studying for them and their future.

A tiger was giving love success party to his friends.
A cat came there and danced.
Tiger asked who are you?
Cat said: I was also a tiger before I fell in love.

A single spelling mistake that caused a divorce. A man went to goa and sent an msg to his wife: having the most amazing and wonderful time. Wish you were her.

A modern wife is one who knows her husband favorite dishes and the restaurants that serves them.

Very good story: A king and his queen went for a long morning walk. Let them come back; I will tell you the remaining story.

Six things boys do in exam hall.
1. Counting no of girls.
2. Sighting the lady supervisor.
3. Counting how many windows and doors.
4. Seeing the brand name of pen.
5. Feelings for wasting yesterday night by not studying.
6. Think to study well at least for next exam.

A kid after being beaten up by his mom was sitting out.
Dad: what happened son:
kid: I can't adjust with your wife anymore I want my wife.

When man's wife died he changed his name to Rajesh B.A (bachelor again). He got married again. Guess his new name? Rajesh M.A (married again).

When you fall in love, there is no power to stop you. Only two powers can stop you.
1. Mom's chappal
2.dad belt.

Normal lover. Boy: shall I touch your boobs? Girl: stupid.
Mentos lover: shall I feel your heartbeat? Girl: ya.. come dear.

In life, there are 5 perfect things you should never lose. 1. Patience 2. Self respect 3. hope4. Heart 5. Well, you know my name rite?

Beggar: donate me some food. House owner: my wife is not here, come afterwards. Beggar: I asked food only, not your wife.

Definition of laziness: I will tell you tomorrow.

Boy: hey don't send forward message to me.
Girl: sorry, I added your number in my friend list, that's why. After few days.
Boy: I love you.
Girl: what?
Boy: hey am extremely sorry, I added your number in my lover list, that's why.

Boy: my girlfriend broke with me and sent me picture of her with her new boyfriend.
FRIEND: REALLY bad, what did you do?
Boy: I sent them to her dad.

Whenever anyone says something bad to you, don't cry. Remember it takes 49 muscles to cry and 12 muscles to smile but only 6 muscles to lift your middle finger.

Dad: see neighbor's girl, she has scored 90 percent.
Son: seeing her only I failed dad.

A famous wake up and inspiring call: don't stay in bed for long, only prostitutes make money there.

Newton's third law: to every twist in the question paper, there is an equal and opposite twist in the answer given by the students.

Child: god, please we don't want 3rd world war.
God: do you love your country. Child:no ia am weak in history.

In London airport a pilot was dismissed for reading a book that book name is how to become a pilot in 30 days?

On a married guy t-shirt. All women are idiots and I married their queen.

What's the difference between talents and intelligence? Getting up early in the morning daily is talent. Not trying such nonsense thing is intelligence.

History teacher asked: kalidas had one brother who used to make shoes. What was his name?
Student: Adidas.

In this job we need someone who's responsible.
Applicant: I am the one you need. On my last job, when anything went wrong.

Difference between friend and lover: You can tell your friend, you are my best friend, but do have courage to tell your lover, you are my best lover.

A man with a gun goes into bank and demands their money. Once he is given the money, he turns to a customer and asks did you see me rob this bank? The man replies yes sir; I did the robber then shot him in the temper, killing him instantly. He then turned to a couple standing and asks did you see me rob this bank? The man replies no, but my wife did.

Hi today my sim cards birthday if you habit of giving gifts, just recharge to my number and bless it.

Waking up at 9, having breakfast, watching TV, full meals, 3 hours sleeping, then snacks, again TV or computer, then dinner and long sleep. These beautiful days are knows as study holidays.

World shortest resignation letter.
To manager;
respected sir: I love your wife.

I am sure you will not judge the climax.
Mom: son get up, it's time to go to college.
Son: na ma, I don't want to go to college.
Mom: give me reason why don't want to go to college.
Son: 1. all students hate me.
2. All staffs hate me.
Mom: that's not a reason. Some on you must go to college.
Son: two reasons why I should go to college.
Mom: 1. Your 52 years old.
2. You are the principal of the college.

A man silence can break a woman heart into thousand pieces while a woman silence can give a man a thousand moments of peace.

Dad: who is your role model?
Son: gandhiji.
Dad: great, why?
Son: he married at the age of 13.

Newton's 1st law: Every book counties to be in a state of rest or covered with dust until internal or external exam appears.

Dad: who is your role model?
Son: gandhiji.
Dad: great, why?
Son: he married at the age of 13.

Don't ever postpone today work till tomorrow, it can be done even the day after tomorrow.

Girl: I can't marry you.
Give my love letters back.
Next day boy gave her a big basket and said, find out yours from these and take.

The first kiss of lover is equal to the first puff of the cigarette, because both are the beginning for ending life.

When there's confusion between your heart and mind, just eat bingo. No confusion great combination.

Who do you think is the laziest inventor of all times? It's the guy who invented the snooze in an alarm.

Wife: I hate the beggar who came yesterday.
Husband: why?
Wife: I have him food yesterday and today he gifted me a book. How to cook.

If future, how do I identify your kids in a room? It's simple. I will check who is erasing their notes, when teacher is cleaning the black board.

I want to share everything with you, your problem, your happy moments, and your sorrow. Every second of the day. Let's start with your ATM password.

If we were born knowing everything. What would we do with all this time on the planet? Be proud to say. I don't know.

A bird was disturbing a man all the time finally the man caught it and decides to kill it cruelly. He took it to the top of a building and dropped it.

There are two rules for success:
1. never tell everything you know.
2. I can't say 2nd rule, because I am following 1st rule.

Three things should not be asked.
1. A man wage.
2. A woman age.
3. A student percentage. It's really hurts.

I have u ever thought while sleeping what if the fan breaks and falls on you, or the legs of your bed breaks, or there a lizard under your pillow or a green snake goes into your room or a cockroach goes into your mouth or a ghost catches your hand while closing the window.

My rules 1. I am always right. 2. Just in case I am wrong see rule number 1.

How will a terrorist's son tell to his dad when he fails in his exam? Dad they questioned me for 3 hours, but I never told them anything.

Studies have shown that majority of college student suffer from intense pain of lower jaw. This is due to uncontrolled excessive yawning during lecture.

Once the great Alexander saw a small child playing with a lion. He surrendered his sword at the Childs feet. Now the child has grown up and sending you sms.

Whats gutz? Coming home late at night in friends bike and mom waiting outside with broomstick to beat. You ask, hi mummy are you still cleaning house?

Deep in a forest. Girl: if you try to kiss me, I will shout. Boy: but there is no one for miles from here? Girl: ya, I know nut I should do my formality.

On a rock near temple, it was written: god never fails, a college student write below it: ask him to write university exams.

A man says I love you to his girl friend and suddenly falls on the floor.
Girlfriend: what is this?
Man: I am falling in love.

A girl removed her jeans, threw at her boyfriend and said make me feel like your wife, boy also removed his jeans, threw at the girl and said wash both the jeans.

To be a good professional always start to study late for exams, because it teaches how to manage time and tackle emergencies.

Fools read my sms. Idiots forward my sms. Monkeys delete y sms. Donkeys save my sms. Mad people edit my sms. Beggars send it to me again.

Using steam power James watt invented steam engine. In India, using same steam power our grandmother invented idly. Think different, be Indian.

The night was dark, the moon was high, boy stopped his bike. girl asked him why he came close to her, she felt shy. He went near to her, he wanted to say something, but he thought she won't believe it and finally told her those two words "no petrol".

COLLEGE
C- comes.
O- On.
L- Lets.
L- Love.
E- each.
G- girl.
E- Equally.

Yesterday I decided to commit suicide. I went near the railways track at the tome I felt my mobile vibrate, it was an msg from you, after I read it, I decide to live. You are really an inspiration for me. When useless people like you are still alive why I should I die.

Today is international handsome boys and beautiful girl's day, so send this message to someone who looks smart and cute. Be true, don't cheat like me.

Today a phone without wire is in fashion. One day will come when human without brain will be fashion. On that day dear you will rock.

How does a lazy person take bath? They stand in front of the mirror and throw the water on the mirror.

Women sitting on a park bench.
Beggar: hi darling lets have some fun.
Women angrily: how dare you.
Beggar: then what are you doing on my bed?

Police: are you married?
Man: yes I am married with girl.
Police: of course all will be married with girl.
Man: no, my sister marries with a boy.

A man once went to restaurant where slippers or shoes weren't allowed. He was afraid that someone might steal his shoes so he left a notice. Don't try to steal my shoes- boxing champion. When he came back he found his shoes missing. Instead there was a notice don't try to catch me- campaign in running.

Non smoker: I hate cigarette.
Smoker: me too, that's why I am burning it.

Husband and his wife drinking hot coffee at a cafe.
Husband: Drink fast.
Wife: Why?
Husband: Look at board, hot coffee-rs.5, and cold coffee- rs.20.

Wife: whenever we keep the money our son steals it, I don't know what to do about it.
Husband: keep it in his books. I know he will never touch.

A man attended biology practical exam.
Examiner: identify the bird name by its legs.
Man: I don't know.
Examiner: you fail, what's your name?
Man: see my leg and my name.

Don't take your troubles and worries to bed, but many people still sleep with their wife.

One day man asked god, what's the difference between your love and my love?
God smiled and replied, a fish in water is my love and a fish in plate is your love.

A boy goes to see a cabare dance.
His mom gets angry and asks him: did you see anything there that you were not supposed to see?
Boy: yes, I saw dad.

A woman entered the house with a duck in her hand where her drunken husband was sitting.
Husband: why are you bringing that big into the house?
Wife: can't you see? Its not pig it's a duck.
Husband: sorry I am talking to that duck.

A thief was leaving the house; the child woke up and said to the thief: take my school bag also; else I will wake up my mom.

Mom, are our neighbors very poor?
Mom: no why?
Because that made such a fuss when their baby swallowed a coin.

Only once in your life you will get a right person with whom you will get married, so till then keep on sighting the wrong ones.

Define seminar?
Seminar is defined as a process in which one person spoil his sleep for one night in an effort to make others to sleep.

Man1: whats difference between poetry and essay?
Man2: every word said by girlfriend is poetry. Anything said by wife is an essay.

Son do you smoke?
Son: no, dad.
Father: son do you drink?
Son: no, dad.
Father: do you tease girls?
Son: no.
Father: So you don't have any bird habit?
Son: only one dad, I never tell truth.

Many years have passed,
Million of tomorrow gone,
But still the hope remains an all the student that
we will study tomorrow.

Man1: I sent love letters to my girl friend everyday for 3 years.
Man2: what happened?
Man1: she married the postman.

Man1: I just had a narrow escape, a bus went over me.
Man2: how did you escape then?
Man1: luckily I was standing under flyover.

Soul1: how did you die?
Soul2: due to cold, you?
Soul1: I doubted my wife with a man and searched my house found none, felt guilty and commit suicide.
Soul2: I was in fridge.

When your life is in darkness, pray to god ask him to free you from darkness. Even after you pray if you are still in darkness, pay the Electricity bill.

Boy1: why are you laughing?
Boy2: my dad beat me with his belt as I failed in exam.
Boy1: what's there to laugh about that?
Boy2: his pant fell down when he removed the belt.

Definition of laziness: it's a talent of taking rest before you got tired.

When a black cat falls down, what will be the white cat say? Don't think like a scientist it will only say meow.

I pretend to study here because they pretend to teach me.

Smaller things hurt more in life than bigger one. You can sit on the top of the mountain, but you can't sit on the tip of the needle.

To be is to do- Socrates. To do id to be- Plato now the best of all do be do be do- Scooby doo.

Life is hot- live it, anger is bad- dump it, fear is awful-face it, memories are sweet-cherish it, sender is smart- accept it.

Extreme height of laziness: Thief1: let us count the money that we have ribbed today at bank.
Thief2: oh! No, I am so tired, we will see in news.

Speaking snakes found in America. One person asked "who is your president? The snake replies bussh.

Judge: do you accept that you stole the money from him?
Man: no my lord, he only gave me.
Judge: when did he give you?
Man: when I showed him the knife.

In rape case. Judge: you are fined Rs.11420 and 5 years. Rapist: why my lord exactly Rs.11420? Judge: Rs.10000 for rape 4% vat and 10.2% entertainment tax.

Father: what were the two hardest things you learnt in the college?
Son: opening beer bottle with teeth and lighting cigarettes only I match left in heavy wind.

Man celebrating 60th birthday. Guest: what's this bulb in place of candle? man: it's difficult to put 60 candles on cake, so I put this 60 watts bulb.